What I Know for Certain...

 

I'm a big believer that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. After numerous conversations with a few wise people, it's become clear that life never pans out the way that we think it will. We are lead in directions that don't always make sense, and sometimes we find ourselves in places that we never intended. This doesn't mean we don't ultimately end up where we want to be, but I think it's safe to say that there's a definite journey in getting to that point. 

 

My first reaction is to make sense of it all. What did I learn from this? How can I grow? Maybe it's how I protect myself from pain, or perhaps it's because I have no other choice. For whatever reason, I try to make sense by attributing it to experience, personal growth, and a path to something greater. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, but hindsight takes time. And hell, it certainly doesn't take away the pain you feel at that very moment. 

 

Quite often, I hear that I have it all and that the world is in my hands. But you know what? I've worked really, really hard to become the person I am today- and my journey is far from over. Life isn't easy. Life is fluid; the only constant is that it is ever-changing. It doesn't matter if you live in a big house or people consider you beautiful, nor does it matter if you have the man of your dreams relentlessly chasing after you. Loss is a continuous theme in my life, so no matter how grateful I was, I always feared that the rug was about to be pulled from under me. That isn't any way to live. 

 

Someone recently helped me re-evaluate my own life, which helped me better identify what I want AND deserve. When someone asks me if I'm happy, I don't want to hesitate for one second. When someone asks me if I'm in love, I want my answer to be "yes" without a beat. More importantly, I want my actions to demonstrate my words. Career, love, family... I want to create a life that radiates love, goodness, fearlessness. There is something to be said about having grace under pressure, something Hemingway ultimately attributed to courage. That's what I hope my legacy will be someday. 

 

I could be angry or fearful because of the loss I've experienced. I'm not. Instead, I've chosen to be grateful... for each and every lesson brings me one step closer to where I need to be.